Do you ever get so angry with people, that you could just scream? I do. These days especially. what annoyed me more than usual today was an email someone sent me. I won’t say what was said exactly, but the gist of it was asking me about something that to be honest, is none of anyone’s business. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it just isn’t. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to accept that and leave me alone. I’m not being a bitch here, but it’s seriously trying my patience, what little I have left, that is. I don’t get it. I mean, my life isn’t interesting, at least not that much. and yet people think it is. they must, or they wouldn’t be doing the “twenty questions” thing so much.
I really wish they would just back off. it’s not that difficult. If I want you to know something, then I’ll tell you. and if I don’t, then obviously I have nothing to say. it’s that simple. why is it so hard for people to respect boundaries? I mean, they’re there for a reason, and not for show. they make me so mad when they act like I owe them an explanation or something. the way I see it, is that I don’t owe them a damn thing. and I sure as hell shouldn’t have to explain myself and the things I do to them. to anyone. this is my life, after all. my business. I’m not going to pacify anyone by saying otherwise either.
That’s one of the disadvantages of living in a small town. everyone knows everyone and everything. it’s hard to keep a secret for very long. eventually, the truth comes out and everyone can see. I hate it, I really do. I hate that everyone has to be in everyone else’s business, thinking they have every right to be. which they don’t. people talk and gossip abounds. That’s small town life for you. It practically feeds off gossip and rumors in order to sustain itself, which is seriously messed up. There’s always drama, no matter where you go or what you do. And people love it. Except I don’t love it. In fact, I cannot stand it. There’s no point to it. It just makes things harder and worse. As for my present issue, I’m beginning to get fed up with the whole thing. People really need to do something, other than worrying about my life and what has been done. They need to get a hobby or even a life, for that matter. They need to worry about themselves and their problems, instead of focusing on me and mine. They need to stop re-hashing my past or even talking about it at all.
I used to not give a damn what people thought or said about me. I still don’t care, to an extent. I mean, people are always going to talk crap or spread rumors or cause drama. There’s nothing I can do about that, as much as I’d like to. These days, I don’t really talk to anyone. For good reasons, I should add. I don’t want people knowing certain things. Judging me or what I’ve done. Why should I tell them anything? It’s just a waste of time because I know full well that no matter what I say or what answers I give, they aren’t going to believe me anyways. And they’re definitely not going to understand. They need to move on, that’s what they need to do. What they SHOULD do. But they won’t. My life is complicated enough without anyone adding to it. When is it going to be enough for them. When are they going to stop trying to grill me for answers to certain questions they have no right to even being asking. Why can’t they see and understand that I need time. And space. Away from them, away from everything. I’m trying to move on, to put the past behind me where it belongs, but no one seems to want to let me do that. Why is that, I wonder. If they actually cared, that’s one thing, but they don’t care. Not really. They just want something to talk about. I refuse to give them anything. I won’t be something or someone they can use to gossip about. I won’t do it. And if people want to hate or be angry with me because of that, well so be it. I don’t care. Not anymore. And if they can’t accept or respect that, then I don’t want them in my life. Even if that means being alone the rest of my life. I’m sorry if they don’t like that, but that’s the reality of the situation.
I’m done pretending that it’s okay for them to do it when it’s not okay. I don’t need their permission or approval. I don’t need or want their help or so-called advice. I don’t need their judgment or their opinions. I don’t need them. I’m doing just fine without all the chaos and drama all these months. Things aren’t perfect or great, not even close, but things are okay enough for me. I’ve made it this far, haven’t I? Without their interference, no offense or anything. It’s the truth.
I’ve had enough…