THE TRUTH IS MESSIE…

My e-journal, all the nitty-gritty, overly-emotional, sappy stuff…

Saturday Musings… October 9, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — MESSIE @ 10:23 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Happy Saturday! I love the weekend, when it’s quiet and not as hectic or all over the place, like it is during the week. Went for a walk earlier. It’s a beautiful autumn day. The sun was shining. Might as well enjoy it now, since before we know it, winter will be here and snow will be on the ground. Now I’m back home, relaxing and multitasking. Painting my nails black in lieu of Halloween coming up (well that, and because I seem to have a thing for the color black these days), listening to some of my favorite songs, all while the aroma of just-out-of-the-oven vanilla cupcakes fills my apartment. Yummy. Doesn’t get much better than that. And yes, I’m a dork but I don’t mind being one. Since I’m not really in a psychological, share-my-deepest-thoughts kind of mood, you’ll have to suffer thru yet another lyrics post. As a bonus, I’ll even throw in a poem I wrote a few months back. Okay, here goes…

Lyrics first. I’ll start with a couple Kelly Clarkson classics from my playlist. Up first is “Behind These Hazel Eyes.”

VERSE: Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me. I used to stand so tall. I used to be so strong. Your arms around me tight. Everything, it felt so right. Unbreakable. Like nothing could go wrong. Now I can’t breathe. No, I can’t sleep. I’m barely hanging on.

CHORUS: Here I am. Once again. I’m torn into pieces. Can’t deny it, can’t pretend. Just thought you were the one. Broken up, deep inside. But you won’t get to see the tears I cry, behind these hazel eyes.

VERSE: I told you everything. Opened up and let you in. You made me feel alright, for once in my life. Now all that’s left of me, is what I pretend to be. So together, but so broken up inside.

VERSE: Swallow me, then spit me out. For hating you, I blame myself. Seeing you, it kills me now. No, I don’t cry on the outside, anymore. Anymore…

** Well…at least it’s honest. Makes you think about things. Life. How people can be so cruel and selfish, using you at their convenience, only to walk away when they no longer have use for you. Harsh, but true. People let you down. Disappoint you. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this past year, it’s that the only person you can ever really trust in this world is yourself. That no matter what you tell yourself or want so badly to believe it’s true, you never really know a person. You just don’t. It’s life. You learn from your mistakes, pick up the pieces the best you can, and hope like hell you will be smarter the next time around. Trust is a slippery slope. There’s this saying: “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” it fits. Anyways, getting back on track. That song wasn’t too bad, not in comparison to the next, that is. It’s part of a genre I like to fondly refer to as “the punkish/bitchy genre.” LOL. Again, here’s Kelly Clarkson’s “Never Again.”

VERSE: I hope the ring you gave to her, turns her finger green. I hope when you’re in bed with her, you think of me. I would never wish bad things, but I don’t wish you well. Can you tell, by the flames that burned around? I never read your letter. ‘Cause I knew what you’d say. Give me that Sunday School answer. Try and make it all okay.

CHORUS: Does it hurt, to know I’ll never be there? Bet it sucks, seeing my face everywhere. It was you, who chose to end it like you did. I was the last to know. You knew, exactly what you would do. And don’t say, you simply lost your way. SHE may believe you, but I never will. Never again.

VERSE: If she really knows the truth, she deserves you. A trophy wife, OH HOW CUTE. Ignorance is bliss. But when your day comes and he’s through with you, (and he’ll be through with you) you’ll die together, but alone. You wrote me in a letter. You couldn’t say it right to my face. Well, give me that Sunday School answer. Repent yourself away!!

VERSE: Never again, will I hear you. Never again, will I miss you. Never again, will I fall to you. Never. Never again, will I kiss you. Never again, will I want to. Never again, will I love you. Never.

VERSE: Does it hurt, to know I’ll never be there? Bet it sucks, seeing my face everywhere. It was YOU, who chose to end it like you did. I was the last to know. You knew, exactly what you would do. Don’t say you simply lost your way. THEY may believe you, but I never will. NEVER AGAIN.

**Yep–definitely not sweet or nice, that one. Now, to save myself and others the aggravation of subsequent “hate comments”, I feel as though it would be remiss of me to not include a disclaimer. So here’s one. So that everyone is clear on the subject– these are JUST song lyrics. I did NOT write them. Nor am I using them in a subtle reference to ANY individuals. Understood? Alright then. Now for the poem. I want to say that this was written months ago, by me, and that while it is intended for a particular individual, it is not however my intention to accuse, insult, or create conflict, past or present. Again, please no hate comments.

I’m not a poet or anything, I simply like to dabble in different prose sometimes, poetry being one of them. I entitled it “The First And Last Poem I’ll Ever Write For You.” hmm, catchy.

So I’m leaving this place, a tad bit jaded.
I don’t really know.
Why not figure it out yourself,
seeing how you’re the reason why.
You seem to think you know me oh so well.
Rest assured, you do not.
You’re simply just another reason,
why I’m unable to trust, to care, to love anyone else.
Thought I had you all figured out,
turns out I was merely fooling myself.
You’re a phony; an illusion with a knack for playing head games.
But now I’m done, for real this time.
Go and play your childish games on someone else.
It’s damn near time I stopped caring, you see.
You’re not that worth it.
Just another player in my misery.
I should have known better,
should have listened to the warnings,
and not have ignored all those obvious signs.
Telling me to stay away,
to let you go.
If only I had known.
Even after all this time,
you managed to remain a part of me.
But you’ve bruised my pride for the last time.
And you’ve shattered all I thought was true.
I’m leaving with the pieces you left behind,
of my heart that you so carelessly broke.
I should tell you, before I go.
That I’d have given you it all,
if only you felt it too.
But with time, I’ve realized
You’re too damn selfish to understand.
I was just another pawn,
In that fucked-up game you like to play.
But no more, GAMEOVER.
I’m jaded, yes it’s true.
But you never got what it was you wanted
nor was the aftermath like what you had expected.
You never broke me down,
though I’m sure you tried your hardest.
Too little, too late.
I’m finally letting go.
Maybe you will one day realize,
all that you have lost and what will never be.
You’ll feel my pain someday,
you’ll drown in all the shame.
I hope you know I hate you.
Because my love for you is what it should be,
just another regret-filled memory.

Xoxo
MESSIE

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