Patience Is A Virtue, Just Not One Of Mine…

A Poem.

I used to think I had it all.
Always swore that I’d never let myself fall.
Now here I am, looking up from rock bottom.
Thanks to you, I have a whole new set of problems.
thought I knew you oh so well.
I was wrong.
Truth is, I never knew you at all.
So much for all those well-laid plans,
for it’s clear to me now that you never did give a damn.
Now I’m damaged and jaded,
broken. Defective.
Please tell me why you had to take everything, all I had to give,
And left me with nothing.
Only regrets, devastation, and of course, self-destruction.
Tell me, was it all that you hoped it would be?
All that you wanted?
Are you happy now??
But tell me, was it really worth it?
God knows, I didn’t deserve it.
The tears and the pain,
hidden in these haunted, lying eyes of mine.
Clever girl. Perfectly disguised.
Seemingly alive on the surface,
but so dead and numb inside.
It’s all an illusion, lie upon lies.
She’s giving up, through with trying.
Done crying.
For the first time,,
she’s forfeiting the fight;
taking back her life.
She doesn’t think it’s fair,
she knows it’s just not right.
More than anything,
she wishes she had never gone with him that first night.
Or any other night.
What’s done is done,
no point in going back and reminiscing.
He broke her heart, crushed her soul,
and tore her life apart.
He played her for a fool,
with pretty lies and words so cold and cruel.
He proved to her what everyone already knew,
all those times they said to her “he’s only using you.”
As it turns out, that part was true.
They say that all is fair in love and war, and maybe that is true.
But truth be told, there’s just no justice or excuse when you’re the one
thats being used.
In letting someone walk all over you.
Been so long since he and I,
and yet the pain still feels brand new.
Cannot forgive. Cannot forget.
Was any of it real? Was any of it true?
Why do I feel so lost without you?
When I don’t want to.
Nothing will ever be the same.
And HE is the one I blame.
He will never know the truth of what was really done.
That is the consequence of the decision that he made.
When he chose to turn his back on what was right,
wreck a life, and simply walk away.
As for me, I’ve paid my dues.
Accepted my share, if not more, of the blame.
My only consolation, is that one day he will have to do the same.
Until then, I wait.
For the day when I can say,
hello to goodbye,
And for my turn to finally come.
When I’ll be the one that walks away this time,
Leaving nothing behind.
Yours Truly,
Sunshine.

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