THE TRUTH IS MESSIE…

My e-journal, all the nitty-gritty, overly-emotional, sappy stuff…

Pretense And Lying Cards….A Poem January 4, 2012

Filed under: POETRY — MESSIE @ 11:19 pm

Why the pretense? 

Why the act?

Is it worth it, they ask.

Having to live this way—

Consumed with so much pain and regret?

When all those words you wish you’d said,

Keep playing over and over in your head.

How do you get through, they ask.

When life is cruel to you?

They make it seem so easy—this moving on and letting go.

But I can’t tell them, and they don’t know.

It’s not that easy…moving on. 

And it’s harder than you think..letting go.

What I wouldn’t give to go back.

To have a second chance.

A chance to make things right,

To stop all the deceiving

And simply just keep breathing.

I may have survived,

but I don’t feel alive.

I feel empty and hollow.

A unfinished life filled with far too much sorrow.

I feel so lost, so dead inside.

It’s been this way now, for quite some time.

Well, I’m sick and tired of carrying the brunt of the blame;

Of floating aimlessly in a sea of guilt and shame.

Scared to see and scared to know–

Holding on tightly, too damn scared to let go.

It’s for the best, that’s what they said.

This is how it has to be.

This is the way it goes.

Even in the light of day,

So much still therein lies uncertain.

The fear of the unknown;

Doomed from the start.

Fool that I am, I let him inside.

It’s my fault for thinking he was one of the good guys.

And I still don’t know why.

All I know is that I’d rather die,

Than keep living this lie—

Pretending to be happy, when I’m really not.

I tried. I really did. I gave it my best shot,

But I’m living in hell, and there’s no way out. 

I don’t want to fight this war—

Or do this anymore.

And to think, I could have saved myself the trouble—

If only I had known from the start

If only I’d said no.

Now I’m here, gasping for air.

Wondering why life had to be so damn unfair. 

xoxo, MESSIE

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