Ever Still…


I still think of you sometimes,
ex-lover that was never really mine.
And there are times when all I want to do is cry.
I’ve convinced the world that I’m fine.
But that too, like so much else, is a lie.
For the truth of the matter is,
with every day that passes slowly by,
I die a little more inside.
All the hearts to break in this world,
more than six billion souls walking this earth.
Yet, you had to choose mine?
I’m not interested in long excuses,
Or some well-versed apologetic line.
And maybe it’s a waste of time,
But I just want—no I NEED—to know why.
Did you enjoy seeing me so hurt?
Were you satisfied when I fell apart?
Did you like making and watching me cry?
Tearing me down, all those times?
Are you really that vindictive, cold, and cruel—
To purposely play me for a fool?
Why–when I did nothing to you?
Granted, I know that I may have hurt you,
when I lashed out and exposed the truth.
But I was scared.
Hell, I was terrified.
And in love for the first time.
It’s hard to think clearly when your heart is breaking,
the pain is all-consuming,
and the whole world around you is changing…
I trusted you.
Defended you.
Stood up for you.
I told them all that they were wrong.
When, in fact, they were right all along;
And it was I that was wrong.
It’s true—they had you pegged from the start.
Said that you would break my heart.
Warned me that you wouldn’t be happy until you tore my life apart.
They predicted it all.
But not even they could have predicted it would go that far.
Not I, nor them.
No one could have.
Ever still, there’s this memory I have—
of something that you said.
And it plays over and over in my head—
Like a broken record that will never end.
You said “time stands still when I’m with you”.
And foolish girl I was–I believed you.
I think, right then, I just needed to.
Now I wonder—were you telling the truth,
Or was that a lie, too?
If so,
Then I hope—for your sake—
May karma have mercy on your soul.
Because it’s far more than I ever will.



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