1, 2, 3…Just Breathe…

Okay, so the verdict is in…and it’s a no-go with the marketing job offer. Granted, I may be kicking myself later on for passing this up…but I’ve thought about it and I just don’t think it’s going to work, for several reasons. For starters, there’s no way I could possibly get everything together and move in a week…which is when I’d have to be down there if I took the position. I considered the idea of going down and getting everything set up before the bestie came in a few weeks…but I’m not really too keen on that idea. As it is, we were planning on going this weekend or sometime next week to look at apartments…so if I took the job, it’d be a rush thing and I don’t want that. I want this to be a smooth, hassle-free move.

I considered the offer from both sides, very carefully. I talked about it with my family–although they weren’t much help. My grams basically told me that it’s my life and that I should do whatever I want…that it was a decision she couldn’t make for me. I think she’s still harboring the hope that I’ll change my mind and stay in the area…which of course, isn’t going to happen. So I asked my sister–because she’s the responsible, practical one with a good answer to almost everything. Her practical answer was for me to put together a Pros/Cons list…which figures with her. She loves lists and plans and well…I don’t know. Sooo I decided to forgo the list-making and instead, talked to the bestie about it. We talked about it for a long time the other night and while we agreed that it was a really great offer…it eventually all came down to the matter of whether it was something I was going to be happy with or not. The job specifically, that is.

So I thought about it some more and decided to turn it down. It wasn’t an easy decision…there were a lot of factors involved. Like I said, it was an incredible offer. The salary alone was unbelievable. If it was just about the money…I’d have taken it…in a heartbeat. But there are other matters to consider as well. This is one of those times when the old “money can’t buy you happiness” adage comes into play. Maybe it’s crazy, but it’s true. Granted, money is important–obviously–but it’s not everything. That said, I don’t want to settle. I don’t want to be stuck in a job where I’m only in it for that Friday paycheck. To be blunt, if I wanted to be miserable in a job…then I’d stay here. I don’t want that. In fact, that’s one of the main reasons I decided to move to NYC in the first place. I want a job that I like and enjoy doing. I want a job where I actually look forward to going to every day. Maybe it’s a little naive of me to expect and want that…but it’s what I want. Like my grams said…this is MY life and no one else’s…and it’s up to me to decide how I want to live it and what I want to do with it. Granted, I’m not naive enough to think that it’s going to be easy or that it’s going to happen right away, but still. Maybe I’m expecting too much–but I want my dream. That dream is to someday be the editor of a magazine like Cosmo or Vogue–or something similar. It’d be the best of both worlds…to be able to both write and design Maybe it’s a pipe dream…maybe it’s a crazy fantasy…but it’s my dream and it’s what I want. End of story.

So January 5th, 2013 it is! Five weeks and two days…yikes! I think it’s finally hit me that this is really happening. And I’m excited beyond belief…



“…oh, the quiet child awaits the day that she can break free…the mold that clings like desperation…oh mother, don’t you see I have got to live my life the way i feel is right for me…say it’s not right for you, but it’s right for me…” ~BJL~


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