THE TRUTH IS MESSIE…

My e-journal, all the nitty-gritty, overly-emotional, sappy stuff…

Gone Too Soon… December 14, 2012

LYRICS…

Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by, that I don’t think of you.

I’m always asking why

This crazy world had to lose such a ray of light…we never knew.

Such a beautiful life…we never knew.

Gone too soon. ~C.D.~~

I’ve been trying to find the right words since I turned on the TV this morning and heard the horrible news…but I honestly don’t know what to say. I think it’s because there really are no words…none that can do this tragedy justice, anyhow. Like the rest of the world, I’m in absolute shock that something like this could happen. It just seems too horrible to be real. Like a bad dream; one you can’t wake up from.

I’m trying really hard to understand how someone could do something like this…could just walk into an elementary school and take the lives of 26 people–20 of which were children. It’s unthinkable; unconscionable. I can’t understand how anyone could point a gun and murder twenty innocent 6 and 7-year-olds. My heart breaks for the victims and their families. All those parents that dropped their child off that morning–who hugged and kissed them goodbye…never knowing that it would be the last time they’d ever see their little boy or girl alive. Never knowing the hell that would be unleashed upon their world in just a couple mere hours later. No parent should ever have to bury their child–and especially not in this way–because of a senseless tragedy like this. All I can think about are those 20 little kids and how horrible it must have been for them in those last few moments. How scared and confused they must have been. It makes me sick just thinking about it. Not to mention, all those other children that were in that school that day and the teachers and staff that survived–how horrible it must have been them as well. I’ve listened to the interviews with some of the other teachers…how they had to hide their students in bathrooms and closets and room corners–not knowing whether they’d be next or if they’d make it out of that school alive. All those children are victims, too. Their innocent was stripped from them that day…far sooner than it ever should have been. Their lives will never be the same after this. They’re never going to forget the sound of gunfire in the halls that day or that fear they felt. They will never forget those images of the victims as they were led out of the building to safety.

Some of the videos and interviews that are being released to the public are truly sickening to watch. Appalling, really. There was one in particular that made me so angry–an interview of some woman psychology “expert”. She was commenting on the shooting and the shooter and essentially said that, while it was an unfortunate tragedy–it was simply just another picture of the face of mental illness. I had to stop watching it after she called the shooter, too, a victim–or I probably would have ended up throwing my computer at the wall in anger. I’m sorry, but I don’t care how screwed up or “mentally ill” a person is, it doesn’t excuse or justify a horrible act such as this. The individual responsible for this is no victim. He is a murderer, plain and simple. He was 20 years old–he knew right from wrong. He knew that what he was doing was wrong when he murdered his own mother, took her guns, drove to that school, and took the lives of 20 innocent children and 6 adults. He chose to commit murder–nothing and no one made him do it. He knew it was wrong…which is why he probably took his own life afterwards. As far as I’m concerned, he was nothing but a low-life coward. That’s all he was, and all he ever will be.

The way I see it–there was no justice in his death. None whatsoever. While there may be some consolation for the victims’ families and the survivors in that he’ dead–it not nearly enough. And it shouldn’t be. That man deserved to be punished for his crimes and to pay for what he did. He deserved to suffer, just as those little angels dd. Had he not killed himself, he probably would have gotten the death penalty. Or at the very least, would have spent the rest of his miserable, godforsaken life in a jail cell. It frustrates me to no end those individuals that oppose the death penalty…how they claim that it is cruel and inhumane. The way I see it, it’s not nearly as cruel and inhumane as it SHOULD be. People like the shooter–who walk into a classroom and open fire on 6 and 7 year olds…people that rape and abuse and murder children and women…people like that–they deserve to die an agonizingly slow, painful death. They don’t deserve any rights–legal or otherwise. I don’t give a damn if they served their time or are supposedly “rehabilitated”–they don’t deserve to walk free among the rest of society, or breathe the same air. It’s just not right. And it sure as hell isn’t fair. I don’t care what people say or how many case studies have been conducted that show evidence to the contrary…people like that don’t change. You can’t “rehabilitate” a rapist or child molester. There are some people on this earth that are just plain evil and always will be…who don’t deserve to live. The legal system in this country is just so messed up and useless that it’s sickening. We protect and house and feed these criminals–these animals–these monsters…all the time. We allow them the right to legal counsel and one appeal right after another. We keep them on death row for years and provide them a swift, painless death in the end. Tell me, how the hell is that fair to the victims? The answer is…it isn’t. People don’t know the hell that a victim of rape/abuse goes through. Even if you choose and are brave enough to report it, there’s still the chance that nothing will be done. Meanwhile, you’ve endured the painstakingly slow process of a rape kit. Television doesn’t give you an accurate picture of what it’s like. In reality, it’s far worse. As if being raped isn’t bad enough, you then have to go through hours of being poked and prodded and swabbed–the whole time just wanting to go home and get clean, to erase the scent of him and scrub away the memory of the touch of his hands on you, You have to tell your story over and over again–reliving each and every moment of it. Even if you manage to get to a trial…it’s still not over. Most of the time, it just makes things even worse. You have to, yet again, tell a courtroom of people and a jury your story…each and every little detail. You have to face the person who did it…see that evil in his eyes again.

If you’re lucky, the jury might believe you and give you a conviction. If not, then you’re probably going to end up having done it all in vain. And all that hell you went through…suddenly doesn’t mean a thing. A lot of the time it comes down to a matter of he said/she said and it’s just your word against him and no one believes you. Worse, you have to sit there and be belittled and verbally attacked by the defense counsel–who use your sexual history to paint you as being a slut. I mean, where’s the justice for the victims? He gets a slap on the wrist or a couple of years in jail,,,whereas your life will never be the same. Which is so damn unfair, if you ask me. It’ll never be enough to make it okay. Never.

Then there’s the politics of it all. I try to stay clear of them because I don’t agree with a lot of the points that are made. The ones that people are making about this shooting included. Since it happened, people have been pointing the blame in this at gun control and ineffective laws. Personally, I don’t think this tragedy has anything to do with gun control–contrary to what a lot of people might think. It’s like when people say “guns don’t kill people…people kill people.” Which is exactly what happened here. Granted, I don’t know why the mother of the shooter felt the need to have three guns in her home. One should have been plenty, after all. Still, the blame belongs to the shooter and he alone. A gun didn’t make him do it. HE did it himself. He chose to pull that trigger.

Something like this just goes to show how truly messed up this world is. And how cruel and destructive and cowardly people are. This isn’t the first time something like this happened. You would think we’d have done something to change it…but we haven’t. At least, not enough that matters. That this has happened before only makes it worse and more screwed-up than it already is. I still remember Columbine and how horrible it was–though I was still pretty young at the time. I remember thinking that it didn’t seem real…and certain that that nothing like that would ever happen in my town or in my school. Those things just don’t happened. They aren’t supposed to.

The little kids…it breaks my heart that they’ll never grow up. That they’ll never have a childhood or learn to ride a bike or play in Little League. They’ll never have their high school graduation. Or go to college. They’ll never have a career or the chance to change the world. They’ll never fall in love and get married or have families of their own. Now they’ll never know. In the seconds that it takes to pull a trigger, they had their lives taken from them far too soon.

Tonight, there are 26 sets of families grieving the loss of their children and loved ones. And it’s just not fair….

May they all rest in peace.

last class photo

THE CHILDREN:

Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Madeleine F. Hsu, 6
Catherine V. Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Aviele Richman, 6
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison N. Wyatt, 6

THE ADULTS:
Dawn Hochsprung, 47
Rachel Davino, 29
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Lauren Rousseau, 30
Mary Sherlach, 56
Victoria Soto, 27

Always,
MESSIE

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