We just got the call a little while ago. My uncle passed away tonight…
It doesn’t seem real. None of this does. Even though we knew this was going to happen…and soon…it just doesn’t seem real. We’d all hoped he’d have the summer, at least. He’d said it himself when he decided to stop the chemo and all treatment…that he wanted the summer to get his strength back up and do the things he’d been wanting to do…to enjoy the time he had left. He wanted to live. He wanted to go up to the 1000 Islands where my great-uncle has some cabins and go fishing one last time. He and my aunt had made the reservations and everything, but had to cancel at the last minute last week because of how weak he’d gotten. He hadn’t been doing well the past week…and just the weekend my aunt told my mother that Hospice didn’t think it’d be much longer. Yesterday, we got the news that they didn’t think he’d make it 24 hours…and they were right. My sister stopped up there after work to see him…to say goodbye. She didn’t want him to pass and her not have been there one last time. She was just telling me not two hours ago how weak and frail he’d looked…how horrible it’d been for her to see him that way. Apparently his daughters were there, already going through his things and claiming what they wanted…the sick bitches. Vultures, are what they are. They really are. He might be their father, but they’ve barely had anything to do with him over the years. And now they come swooping in at the very end to claim entitlement to parts and pieces of his life that don’t belong to them…at all. It’s sick. It’s despicable. It’s a good thing I wasn’t there because I wouldn’t have kept my mouth shut…despite the fact that I’ve never met either of them before. I don’t care…it’s wrong.
My sister had asked me if I wanted to drive out tomorrow and see him myself…before we got the call. I told her no…I didn’t want to see him like that. I really didn’t. Death and situations like this make me really uncomfortable, to say the least. I don’t know what to say or do and I end up feeling pretty much like I’m feeling now…helpless and useless. I wish there was something I could right now for my aunt, who is probably a total mess right now…but there’s little I can do from here…me being almost 2 hours away right now. My mother and sister went up to be with her, I know…and I’m sure his daughters and Hospice are there and the last thing they need right now is more people.
The next few days are going to be bad. I really don’t know how to accept this. I mean, I know I wasn’t all that close to him, but he was family. He’s been my uncle for as long as I can remember. One of the few male figures that’s been there in my life…which is saying a lot. I can’t picture my aunt without him. Or family functions without him there. I regret now that I didn’t take the time to talk to him more on Memorial Day when we had our cookout there. I said goodbye that day like any other day, like a see you later. I never thought that would be the last time I’d talk to him.
My grandmother would say that he’s at peace now. That he’s in Heaven. And I’d like to believe that, I really would. At least that would be a small consolation that there’s some kind of happy ending here. But honestly, I find it so hard to believe in Heaven or a God who could do this…make him suffer like he did these past few months…who’d take him before he had a chance to live out his final wishes, before he was ready to go. It’s hard to see the reason in this. Maybe there is one…but I don’t see it. I’m thankful he’s no longer in pain or suffering, I am…but I’m sad that he’s gone. That there’s this loss…this void now in my family that can’t be refilled. Wherever he is, I do hope he is at peace. I hope that with all my heart.
RIP Uncle Dick. You’ll be forever missed. And if my grandmother is right and you’re up there in Heaven, say hi to Papa for me. I’m sure the two of you will have plenty of stories to share. 🙂
xoxo, Your Niece MESSIE