So there’s this old picture frame that I hung on the wall in my oldest niece’s nursery when she was a baby that displays the timeless quote of “A Child Is God’s Way Of Saying That Life Should Go On”. While you’ve probably surmised from many of my numerous posts in the past that I’m not the biggest religion/God fanatic, I’ve always loved that quote. Although the existence of a God has been and most likely always will be a debatable subject on my end, I still think babies are amazing. And that they’re a sign of hope–maybe not from God, but from something. The universe maybe. I don’t know, but from something. They really are. The evidence is right there in the fact that these tiny, little human beings can change your entire world and outlook on life simply just by being. It’s incredible, really.
People have always said that you never really know true love until you look in your baby’s eyes, and they’re right. It’s so true. It doesn’t just apply to your own children though, I’ve learned. I’ve always said that it was love at first sight when I met my oldest niece, Lena, for the first time. And it was. I fell in love with that little girl the moment I laid my eyes on and held her in my arms…all brand-new, two-hours old, baby soft skin and big brown eyes…of her. I was unabashedly smitten with her and she had me wrapped around her little finger from the start. In the 11 since years, that hasn’t changed much. I still love her death–bad attitude included. It blows my mind just how quickly those 11 years have gone by. It really does. She’s growing up so fast and all I can think is damn, if I could just freeze time. If only. She’s still my little Angelbug…for now, at least. She still likes hugs and cuddling up watching “our shows” together….and making “pinky promises with a kiss.” She still lets me call her “Bug” and “Bean” and let’s me say “I Love you” in public. Heck, I can still pick her “light as a feather” self up and carry her around on my back. For now. It scares and saddens me at the same time that in just a couple short years, all of that will be a thing of the past. Scares me because she’s so independent and so much like me that it’s not even funny…and saddens me because she’s so impressionable and naive and innocent–completely unaware of the evil that exists in this godforsaken world. I hate knowing that she’ll one day know pain and heartache and sorrow. I know it’s inevitable and that it’s just a fact of life, but still. I’d give anything to spare her every ounce, I really would.
Sometimes I look around and for the life of me, I honestly can’t understand how or why we could ever want to bring a child into this world. I mean, hell, it’s a freaking horror show out here. We’ve got murderers and rapists and sociopath running around free, wrecking lives and wreaking havoc at every turn. We’ve got parents abusing, neglecting and killing their own children. We’ve got people living on the streets and hard-working people going without and just scraping to get by, while the government gets fat with tax money and is allocates funds to undeserving big businesses. We’re got psychopaths buying guns and shooting up classrooms of 1st graders. We’ve got terrorists making bombs and driving planes into skyscrapers. We’ve got rebels shooting down planes, taking hundreds of innocent lives in the name of separatism and some supposed holy jihad. Society is going to hell in a hand basket and people are more concerned with pointing fingers and casting blame than doing anything productive at all to try to fix things. We’re a mess. A disaster. And from the look of things–an almost certain lost cause.
But I see hope in the eyes of my nieces and nephews. In their smiles and carefree ways. In their innocence. They make it better…they give you a purpose…another reason to hope. Another reason to care, one way or another. They make you want to believe in a better world. They convince you to take a leap of faith and trust that everything happens for a reason. They light up an otherwise dark and dreary world. They make you believe in magic again.
Despite some of the crappy cards I’ve been dealt, I’ve been blessed. I get to be here and watch some of the most amazing little human beings on their journey of growing up. I get to be a part of their moments and memories. I get to help mold their dreams and futures and cheer them on from the front line. Just as I was for my nieces, I get to be here for the Twinnies and this amazing, huge capacity. There’s nothing more wonderful than seeing the smiles and toothless-grins on their sleepy faces when they first wake up for the day. Or hearing their little laughs and joyous high-pitched giggles. There’s nothing more soul-warming than to see them raise their tiny little arms up, silently asking to be picked up and held.
The world may be a mess, but they’re perfection. In all its truest, purist, most wonderful glory. Yep.