Five Years Clean… A Poem.

There you go, this one last time

Running across my mind

Images of us

Limbs and hearts, all tangled up

Now what?

Your name, a forgotten whisper on these lips of mine

Another time, another life, flashes before my eyes

Of promises spoken, and soon thereafter broken

Time stands still, that’s what you said

Oh, we were so misled

Time and time again, everything’s alright

Until the next fight

And back I go

Back to the good old days

Before the big reveal

Before all the accusations and dirty little lies

Of the worst kind

Lust, the thing I craved most

Just left me feeling empty inside

And wondering why

We were saving love for another day

But we couldn’t save us

Now there’s nothing left that’s sacred

Fifteen months of our lives, just gone…wasted

And baby, I’m so jaded

Climbing high, falling hard

Is he another you?

Will he hurt me too?

I have to trust again

That’s what I tell myself

So I…

Face the demons

Close the book

First love, ex-lover

I say goodbye

Taking this new love

One day at a time

Headed in a new direction

Learning from my lessons

Mistakes I made with you

Taught me everything not to do

His eyes, the same sweet evergreen hue as yours

But they’re warm, not cold

Similar yes, but not quite yours

As they’re staring into mine

It’ll be different

I’m sure of it this time

‘Cause I’m not the same girl you remember

I’m stronger now

Not quite as broken

Not nearly so defective

No longer afraid of my own reflection

I’m holding now what I call a brand new perspective

New love, new outlook

Another chapter in my book

Clean slate

Future sealed in the steady, knowing hands of fate

Where this takes me

I’ll have to wait and see

Here I am

I’m five years clean

Never thought I’d hear myself say

That in letting you go,

I found I’m worthy of being happy.

At long last, I’m free.

Of your memory.

Finally.

xoMESSIE

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