So my two favorite little monkeys are celebrating their first birthday today!
It seems so completely unbelievable that it’s already been a year. It feels like just yesterday when my Mom called and said that after four days of waiting, the doctors had finally decided to go ahead and take the boys and were getting my sister prepped for a c-section and that I needed to get to the hospital ASAP. I remember sitting in that waiting room with my mother and my brother-in-law’s parents, on the edge of our seats, just waiting…and then hearing the chime on the phone indicating a new text message…and then there they were, these two little scrunchy-faced bundles of absolute perfection. Finally, after two years of trying, a year of fertility treatments and failed pregnancies, my amazing sister finally got her happy ending–she became a mother to two beautiful, healthy, incredible baby boys. I don’t know which moment was more amazing–seeing those boys for the first time, or seeing my sister in the recovery room holding one bundle in each arm, an exhausted but absolutely content and happy smile on her face as she showed them off. I don’t think I’d ever seen her looking so happy before…and it was just a wonderful moment. My big sister–the person I’d looked up to my whole life–was a Mama. Her dream came true that day…and I couldn’t have been more proud.
I don’t know if I can even put into words how truly blessed I feel to have been such a big part of their lives this past year, but I am. SO, SO blessed. When I moved in with them back in January, I honestly never expected to stay. Or that I’d even want to. Looking back on this past year, I’m so glad that I did. Being a part of these little boys’ lives like I have been, has been incredible. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had my moments. Taking care of twins is HARD. I mean, taking care of one baby is one thing, but when there’s two–it’s incredibly difficult. People who say or think otherwise don’t have a clue what they’re talking about because it is hard. Oddly enough, it was easier the first few months. I got into a routine that worked well. And then they became mobile. That’s when the scale tipped, BIG-TIME. Now they’re crawling and standing and taking first steps…even climbing on top of things! They won’t sit still for any length of time and they’re constantly everywhere and into everything. And on ME. The past month or so, they’ve gotten into this phase where they both just want to be held–at the same time! And they’ll throw a fit if you don’t appease them. Think one baby crying and screaming is bad? Try TWO babies crying and screaming at the same time! Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever questioned my sanity as much as I have in the past month.
Even still…I wouldn’t change it for anything. Not a thing. I love those two boys more than I could possibly convey in words. They have my heart. Leaving them is going to be one of the hardest things I’ll ever have to do, I think. I mean, I’ve practically raised them. I’ve been with them every day. I’m the first face they see each morning when they wake up–and more often than not, the last when they go to sleep.
They’re a huge reason why I know that I’m ready for this next step in my life…the move to Tennessee next month. They make me want to be better, if that makes sense. They do. My sister keeps telling me that I need to settle down and have a few of my own…but I think I’ll wait on that bit…for the time being. Right now, I want to focus on making something of myself. Something they and the rest of my family…myself even…can be proud of. Once I’ve done that and I’m ready for that next step…then I’ll do the rest. At this point, that’ll be the easy part. At least now I know that I’ll be ready for that, when the time comes.
I’m leaving in less than a month. Leaving my little monkeys and everything I’ve ever known. I’m excited–super excited, and a little scared. I think, more than anything, I’m just hoping that I’m not making a mistake. I’ve screwed up so much in my life…it’s time I finally did something right. Hopefully, this move is a start in the right direction. And yes…I’ll be a crying fool on that long drive come next month…but I have all these moments that I’m bringing with me. Memories and photographs…they aren’t the real deal, but they’re the next best thing. I can do this…because of them.
So here’s to my little monkeys. Happy Birthday baby boys. I love you more than you could possibly imagine.
xoxo MESSIE (aka Auntie Jo Jo)