So it’s been a pretty idyllic weekend so far. For the first weekend since August, I’m not holed up doing homework and it’s great. I feel like I finally have a chance to breathe, instead of cramming in papers and reading in my every spare minute that I’m not taking care of the boys. It’s great.
My sister surprised us by bringing my Grams, Avie, Emmie, and Lena back with her for the weekend. My mother’s been here since she was released from the hospital following her recently surgery, so it’s definitely a full house! It’s crazy and loud and hectic, but I don’t mind it. The boys love having the girls here to play and Tyler has been stuck to my Grams like glue since the moment she walked in the house. I swear, that little boy has her wrapped around his little finger. It’s “shaking-my-head” worthy, but sweet. My grams has always been adamant about not having favorites, but we all know she dotes on little Ty. Though, in her defense, he’s a little cuddle bug, so it’s hard to say no to that cute little face. I should know. There’s a reason I spend 90 percent of my day having to hold him and his brother. They both want your attention–and all of it. There’s no halfway with those two.
I’m kind of glad my sister brought them all out with her. I really don’t get out to see them as much as I used to. Mostly because if I want to go and visit, that involves having to get the boys up at the crack of dawn that morning to get ready so my sister gets to the school on time (she’s a teacher) and that’s no easy task. Ty will literally wake up with a smile no matter what, but Jakey is NOT a morning person at all. And he’s especially cranky when he gets woken up. And now that both boys are mobile, getting either one to stay still long enough to change them, let alone get them dressed and fed and settled in the car–well, it’s certainly no easy task, that’s for sure. It’s a battle most days just to let them let me change them. If they had their way, they’d crawl around diaper-less all day. 🙂 And packing for twins?? That’s a job in and of itself. You’d be amazed how much stuff you have to bring with you just for a day trip. It’s crazy. Then there’s the hour and a half commute to my Grams (my sister teaches at the elementary school in our hometown)…which is no fun at all. I hate long drives, and the boys hate it even more. So, long story shot, it’s a heck of a lot easier just to stay home with the boys. That, and I’m not too keen on spending hours at my Grams’ these days. My brother’s back staying there and he and I don’t get along at all, especially this past year. He tried saying something to me on Thanksgiving and I brushed him off and so naturally, he lit into me about how I’m a bitch and dredged up the same damn insults he’s been throwing at me for years about whatshisname from the bar and how I supposedly got with every guy that walked in there. Honestly, as much as it bugs me that he won’t let bygones be bygones–I mean, come on…I haven’t had anything to do with whatshisname in well over 5 years!–I can’t help but find it quite amusing. You’d think he’d find something else to insult me with instead of 5-year-old OLD news. YOU’D THINK. But nope. And that whole bit about me getting around with everyone at that bar–well, let’s just say I wish my sex life was as padded as he seems to think it was. You know, at first it bothered me because well, I think it would bother anyone to be accused of things that you know aren’t true, but at this point, I really don’t even care. I’ve long since realized that he’s just trying to rattle me and get a fight started by throwing those same old accusations in my face every time I turn around–and I’m just tired of rising to the bait, so to speak. It’s one of those “you have to consider the source” kind of things and well, it’s my brother. He’s just a jerk. Always has been. Always will be. I think he just wants everyone else to be as miserable as he is. But fighting with him–it’s pointless. I learned that long ago. He’s just not worth it. I know the truth, and that’s all that really matters. So yeah, he’s part of the reason I avoid going to my Grams…him and the fact that there’s just too much drama happening there. And loud. It’s really, really loud there. I know it’s always been that way, but being away from that kind of household for the past year–it’s really noticeable to me now. I like the peace and quiet out here…not that it’s always quiet or peaceful for that matter when you have twins roaming around and getting into everything, but it’s far better than it is at my Grams. While I miss seeing my Grams and the kids, it’s really just not worth the hassle.
I’m glad I get to spend some time with them this weekend though. I figure I have to take advantage of this time that I do have to spend with them, considering I’m not going to be seeing them for another 6 months, at least, when I move in January. I literally only have a little over two weeks left until I leave for Tennessee, so things are getting close. I did get to spend some time with Lena Thursday night, one-on-one. She came back with my sister for the night so I could take her dress shopping for her field trip Friday with her class to see The Nutcracker. Spending time with that girl is anything but boring. For instance, as we were heading to the store, she tells me to turn on the radio. Since I haven’t really spent a long of time with her in the past few months–and she’s always in a hurry to get off the phone when I call her–I suggested instead that she fill me in on what’s been going on with her these days. I made the mistake of asking her how 6th grade and school was going…which launched her into talking to me for the 25 minute duration of the drive about the 6th grade dating scene. She really got into it, telling me all about who was dating whom and which boys are cute and which ones aren’t…and well, you get the idea. I mean, she was all animated and everything. It was actually quite amusing, hearing her talk about how her friend Carissa–who up until the start of this school year has been her worst enemy–is dating this boy in their grade. When I asked her what exactly entails “dating” for a bunch of 11 and 12-year-olds, she just shrugged and said, well he bought her flowers and chocolate for her birthday and asked her out, so they’re dating. Kids–they’re hilarious. Anyhow, that was the entirety of our drive. Not exactly the conversation I envisioned when I asked her to tell me what was new with her. But that’s what I get for asking, I guess. Still, I love that girl. She’s something else. She really is. She’s not too happy with my leaving though. She’s made it very CLEAR how mad she is about the fact that I’m going to be missing her birthday come April. I tried to reason with her, saying that I was there for the first 11 birthdays, which should count for something…but she doesn’t see it that way. Unfortunately, it is what it is. I’m leaving…there’s no if-and-or-buts about it. It’s something that’s happening…like it or not. As much as I wish I could stay here and be there for all her birthdays and every big moment in her life in the upcoming years…that’s just not going to be possible. I tried to explain it to her that this is something that I have to do for myself…she wouldn’t hear any of it. She may be really smart for her age and–having grown up surrounded mostly with adults, she’s been exposed to far more than most kids her age have…but it’s moments like this where I’m reminded that she’s still just a kid. She doesn’t understand why I have to leave. She’s too young yet to know that being an adult isn’t always as fun as it might seem and that there are times when you have to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do. It’s just a part of life. Someday she’ll understand that. I just hope that eventually she’ll forgive me for doing this, for leaving her. I love that little girl so much. Distance won’t ever change that. Ever.
Emma and Avie aren’t as aware as Lena is about my leaving. I mean, they know that I’m moving to Tennessee, but I don’t think they really understand what that means. I think Ava thinks it’s just temporary…that I’m just taking a little trip there like I did back in April. God, I’m going to miss her. So much. She’s just a joy to be around…and smart as a whip. Not to mention, she says the damnedest things that girl. She’s hilarious. She’s been shadowing me since she got here yesterday. If I have to go to store, she’ll stop whatever she’s doing to run out and grab her coat and boots–announcing that she’s going with me. This afternoon she insisted on taking a nap with me. I love taking naps with the kid. She looovees to cuddle up next to me and talk–she LOOOVEEES to talk. And she’ll keep on talking until you tell her to shush and go to sleep. She’s too funny.
My sister and the kids teamed up to give me a little surprise after dinner earlier. It was a real “aww moment”. Everyone gathered in the kitchen and then called me in. When I walked in there they all had cupcakes in their hands and starting singing a funky version of “Happy Birthday”–in which they changed the words to Happy 4.0 in honor of my perfect 4.0 GPA this past semester. It was so weird and they’re all little nuts for doing it, but I love them for it. It was the sweetest thing and I’m blessed that they cared that much about my accomplishment to celebrate it with me. Honestly, I’m kind of proud myself that I managed to get a 4.0 despite taking care of twins full-time. It was definitely a struggle…and probably one of the most stressful semesters I’ve every had. I’m so glad that it’s finally over…even though I know it’ll all be starting back up in just a couple of weeks…but a couple of weeks of relaxing is better than nothing, so I’ll take it.
I’ve got to say, I’ve had my problems with my family…disagreements, fights, moments where I simply can’t stand the sight of them or the fact that I’m related to them itself…but when push comes to shove, I know I’m blessed to have them. They loud and dysfunctional, but they’re mine and I love them more than anything. It’s moments like tonight that I’m reminded just how much. It’s going to hard getting in that car January 9th and driving away from them. Not to mention strange in that for the first time in 27 years, they won’t be with me. I’m so used to having them around or being just a short drive from them. But this is different. This is 900 miles. This is me…on my own…without them. It’s going to be a big adjustment, that’s for sure. I’ll be okay though because I know that they’ll still be there…having my back from here while I’m down in Tennessee, still loving me, and as tonight’s little surprise proved–still rooting for my success. That means everything. Everything.
Until Next Time,