Decisions, Decisions…

I’ve got some good news to share with y’all…looks like Messie here will be staying put here in Nashville this summer! I got the job! Yep, I got the phone call this morning from the nice HR lady that I interviewed with on Friday and she offered me the position…which I gladly accepted. Of course. I have to go in tomorrow morning and fill out all that new-job boring paperwork, then a thorough walk-through tour of the facility and all the exhibits, and if there’s time, squeeze in a little training.

I’m so excited. And all that second guessing myself these past two days over whether I’d done well in the interview was clearly for naught. ( I suck at interviews, by the way.) It’s like public speaking for me…something I absolutely loathe doing. As such, I can tell you that you’ll never see me running for President or any other seat in Congress one day. No way. I hate giving speeches–always have. I don’t know why, but it makes me really uncomfortable and anxious. And that whole “imagine the audience in their underwear” trick does NOT work. I just freeze up. The same goes for interviews. I get myself so worked up and anxious that I can barely focus on the questions I’m being asked, and so nervous that my mind goes completely blank and I don’t know how to answer them. Apparently my nervousness wasn’t as transparent in the interview as I had thought, because I got the job.

This is another vital step for me that I’m taking. Getting a job down here is important if I want to stay here in Nashville for good. Which is–for the moment at least–what I plan to do. So that means no going back to New York for the summer after classes here end in May. My family’s probably not going to like that idea–I think they still have it in their heads that this is just one of my harebrained ideas and that I’ll eventually realize how crazy I’m being for being so far away, and end up going right back to NY. Unfortunately, that’s not the case this time. That’s not going to happen. Sure, this was a big leap of faith–me moving down here–and maybe even a little bit reckless…but this time is different. In the past, they’d be right and that’s exactly what I’d probably do. But in all those instances, I never actually followed through with what I said I was going to do. But this time I have, this time I did. And that, in and of itself, is MAJOR. The hard part’s over…taking that first leap and moving here. Now it’s just a matter of filling in the rest. Of putting down roots, so to speak.

Still, my staying for good isn’t going to be an easy thing. It’s one thing to be gone for a semester and not see your family for a few months…but this is a little more than “just a few months”. This is permanent…possibly. It’ll be strange, that’s for sure. It’s going to be hard not seeing them for an extended period of time. Especially not seeing the kids. Part of me feels guilty for even considering it, when there’s those kids. I want to be with them and be there for them, but I can’t do that and try to start a life at the same time. It’s just not possible.

I guess I’ve got a decision to make eventually. But not right now. Right now I’m just going to enjoy this good thing and not worry about things that aren’t even an issue right now. I’ll figure all that other stuff out when the time comes…we’ll see…



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