#TNtoNY

Not gonna lie…starting to get a little excited/happy/anxious/nervous. Only four more days ’til I get to see my family. I can’t believe it’s been four months that I haven’t seen them. I’ve literally never gone this long without seeing them. A couple of weeks maybe…but not four months. Definitely not. I’ve got to admit, I’m STILL totally surprised by the fact that I have yet to feel even the slightest bit homesick. I miss them, yes…but I don’t miss home, the place. Is that weird? It’s weird, right? Anywho…I can’t wait to see the look on my niece, Angelina’s face when I get there. I’ve really been in the doghouse, so to speak, with her these past couple of weeks. I’ve been telling her that I’m not going to be able to make it up there because I’m swamped with class and finals (though not exactly a lie because I totally am SWAMPED with work), and so she’s been a tad bit mad at me. She threw a fit and hung up on me the other night when we were talking on the phone when I told her again that I wasn’t going to be there for her birthday. It was a little comical, hearing her get mad and yell in the background about how unfair it was that I was going to miss her birthday and how she was only going to “turn 12-years-old once”…she’s hilarious.

I know people probably think I’m crazy for dishing out 500 some odd dollars on a plane ticket to fly to New York for a 12-year-old’s birthday. And in the middle of finals, no less. And they’re probably right. It probably is a little crazy. But it’s my Angelbug we’re talking about here. The little girl that made me an auntie for the first time when I was just 16 years old. The little girl that’s made me laugh and cry and happy and mad and just so incredibly proud and blessed over these past 12 years. I love all my nieces and nephews so much, but Angelina’s always had a special little place in my heart and in my life. She was my first niece…the first to show me what unconditional love looks like…the first to show me what it’s like and who taught me how to really love someone more than I love myself. I never even knew it was possible to love someone you just met as much as I loved her in that moment when I held her in my arms for the first time. She’s been such a joy and blessing in our lives all these years…and she’s made me want to be a better person…if not for myself, then most definitely for her.

Her happiness means everything to me and that’s what she wants…for me to be there for her birthday on Thursday…so I’m going to be there. In the grand scheme of things, it’s the least I can do. I mean, all too soon there’s going to come a time when she doesn’t want or need me (or anyone else) to be there. I know it’s just an inevitable part of life, but it breaks my heart a little to know and watch her grow up. Sometimes I just wish more than anything that I could wrap her up and keep her little like this forever. I know she has to grow up…but I don’t want her to. Not really. She’s still so innocent, so naive, so trusting…so full of dreams and imagination. She still has no idea what life is really like and what the world has in store for her. She hasn’t yet been hurt or disappointed or had her heart broken. I just wish it could be like that always…that she never has to know those things. But she will. Those struggles and realizations are coming for her, I know. Just as I know that someday I will have to let her go, let her grow up…just let her spread her wings and learn to fly on her own. But not yet. For now, she’s still my little number one lovey. She’s still my little Angelbug. Still the smart-mouth little beauty that I know and love so dearly. And you can’t put a price tag on that…I can’t, anyhow.

And the “Auntie of the Year” award goes to…ME…. 🙂  Just sayin’.

xoMESSIE

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