THE TRUTH IS MESSIE…

My e-journal, all the nitty-gritty, overly-emotional, sappy stuff…

No Time For These Frustrations. June 5, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — MESSIE @ 11:13 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Today was one of those “frustrating as hell” kind of days. This whole move/apartment search thing with my friend Ryan has been nothing but headache upon headache. I’ve been looking for days, but finding a place has been absolutely impossible–especially from here. It doesn’t help that he has two dogs and doesn’t have a job lined up and is adamant against a full lease. We were supposed to meet and figure things out earlier in the week–which we did–but we got absolutely nowhere. Before I left he basically told me that he was going to leave the apartment search completely up to me because I “know the area better”…which isn’t exactly fair. I mean, yeah I know the area, but I don’t think it should just be up to me to do the hard part by finding a place. He’s going to be living in the place, too. Still, I tried. I called at least a dozen different places and browsed nearly every site I could find for an apartment…and nothing. Today I just said to hell with it. I don’t need the frustration and that’s all this search is. And to be honest, I don’t have the time nor the patience to deal with it all right now. Time especially. I mean, I’m leaving in the morning. I have to be down in Nashville by Sunday for the film’s promotional shoot, whether we find a place or not. I can’t be wasting time waiting for something to figure out or stick around here until it does. I’m under contract, so I don’t have the luxury of time to wait for something to come up. And he’s just pissing off with his “whatever, we’ll find something” attitude. He seems to think it’s so easy to find a place and expects to get a job right away when he gets down there…which is jumping the gun a bit, if you ask me. He doesn’t know if that’ll happen. He just doesn’t.

 

Having said that, I discussed it with my family and the Bestie and ultimately came to the realization that it’s just not going to work–him and I getting a place. At least not right now. Everyone I talked to agreed that I need to stop worrying about him and just focus on me. And I can’t help but agree with them. I mean, they’re right. Right now, I can’t afford to screw around. I have school, work…commitments. So…that’s what I’m doing. I found a sublet just outside of Nashville that works great for me and called the guy. He’s moving back to Florida, so I’m going to be taking over the rest of his lease. I’m getting the keys and can move in Monday. I haven’t told Ryan yet about it…I know he’s not going to be happy about it. Especially when I backed out back in January when we’d planned on originally moving down. But in my defense, this time is different. It’s not about me backing out or changing my mind. I do want him to come down…it’s just all these issues in the way that are making it impossible right now.

 

Maybe it’s selfish, but this is my life…my career and my reputation on the line. I can’t screw that up. I love Ryan to death and all, but I’ve worked too hard to get this far just to throw it all away by twisting things to fit his needs and wants. I don’t need the stress, for that matter. I’ve got more than I can handle on my plate already. Hopefully when I break the news tomorrow he’ll understand that. Hopefully…

So yeah…time for some shuteye. Got a 14 hour drive ahead of me…

xoMESSIE

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