I’m starting to understand now why people who are in constant pain are always so miserable…it sucks. It really, really sucks. It’s been over a week now since the accident and the headaches STILL haven’t gone away. I’m beginning to think they’re never going to. At least, that’s how it feels right now, anyhow. I don’t get it. I went to the ER, I had the scans, I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing and taking the meds that the doctor told me take…and nothing. I’ve been taking the Percocet, Vicodin, and even the 800 mg Ibruprofen together and it hasn’t helped any, except to make me nauseous as hell. And throwing up just makes my head hurt even worse. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I haven’t had much sleep in the past week…but that’s not my fault. It’s a little hard to fall asleep when you have a splitting headache.
And to top it all off, there’s all the stress from the film and getting the photos edited and finished, and we have the theatrical shoot tomorrow, so it’s been kind of crazy. Then there’s the deal with the car and the insurance company and the lawyers and I swear to God, if my head wasn’t already pounding, I’d scream. I probably sound and seem like I’m being a child and throwing a tantrum, but I don’t want to deal with all this. I really don’t. I don’t get why the damn insurance company went and totaled the car. I mean, I do–it’s cheaper to total it than actually pay for the repairs–but still. Those repairs the guy noted–I honestly don’t think they even need to be done right now. He said something about the radiator and the a/c condenser being bowed in the accident…and sure, down the road they’d probably have to be replaced, but right now the truck runs completely fine. Granted, the a/c doesn’t always blow out super cold air like it used to–which kind of sucks when you’re in the middle of a summer heat wave–but it’s not that big of a deal. I mean, what do you think people did before cars had a/c? They rolled down the window and dealt with it. I’m perfectly fine doing that. The insurance guy did tell me to keep an eye on the temperature gauge on the dash, just to make sure the car doesn’t start to overheat because of the radiator being bowed in the accident…but so far, I haven’t seen anything out of the ordinary with it.
Aside from those two things (the radiator and a/c condenser thingamajig), all the other repairs are mostly just cosmetic. And honestly, I don’t care if the bumper’s a little dented and cracked…I really don’t. It’s a car and it gets from point A to point B…and that’s really all I care about it. But since they totaled it, I’m pretty much screwed. Either I just suck it up and use the insurance money to get a new car or I keep the car, take the money, and go through who knows how long and ridiculous of a process that you have to go through after a car’s been totaled to get it legal and insured again. And my mother keeps calling, wanting to know what I’m going to do and I literally don’t have the patience to deal with it…or her. I know I have to, and yes, maybe I’m acting like a petulant child here, but I don’t want to. I just don’t. I don’t have the patience or the energy right now to deal with all of it. As if my mother calling and telling me to call the insurance people and let them know what I want to do isn’t frustrating and annoying enough…today she went and sent me a text asking if I thought the truck would make it back to New York. Yeah. I pretty much sent her a text back telling her she’s crazy if she actually thinks I’m going to drive 15 hours so she can deal with all the truck stuff with the title and the insurance and whatnot. Hell no, it’s NOT happening. I hate that drive. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to make it when I’ve got the headache from hell that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. I mean, I get that she’s trying to be helpful by dealing with the whole car end of it all for me…but no. I’m not doing it. And it’s not just about the drive itself–it’s the fact that if I do drive the truck back, once everything gets taken of with turning in the plates and finding a replacement–then I’m still going to have to make that awful drive back down here. Of course, she’s probably not even considering that because for some reason, she’s got this idea in her head that in light of the accident and my concussion and these damn headaches that won’t let up, I’m just going to change my mind about Tennessee and move back to New York. Yeah…she’s got another thing coming because that’s not happening. Hell, it doesn’t even make sense. I got into an accident…yes. And the headaches aren’t no walk in the park…but even if I wanted to–which I don’t, by the way–I can’t just up and leave and go back to New York. I don’t know what she’s thinking. I mean, for starters–I have a lease that’s not up until January. Not to mention the film and my work. I have commitments and obligations here that I can’t just up and walk away from it all simply because some guy wasn’t paying attention to the road and ran into me. It doesn’t work like that. And even if it did–I don’t want to go back to New York. I just don’t. And maybe it’s horrible and selfish of me to not want to be there with my family…but I don’t. I like it here. Aside from the crazy drivers and the interstates that could easily be mistaken for a demolition derby the majority of the time with all their traffic and accidents…Nashville is a beautiful city. And I love it. I love the people, the atmosphere–all of it. And I like the person I can be–the person that I am–down here. I mean, don’t get me wrong or anything–I totally wouldn’t have minded having my family close by when I got in the accident instead of them being 900 miles away…of course I wouldn’t have minded. It was scary as hell and it hurt–it still hurts–and I definitely feel like an idiot at times because I have absolutely no idea what I’m supposed to be doing or how I’m supposed to handle all of this stuff with the doctors and the insurance and the lawyers. I’ve never been in any kind of accident like this before, so I don’t know what’s supposed to be done. And I’m entirely grateful that my mother’s offered to deal with the car end…but she’s going to have to do it from up there because there’s no way in hell I’m driving to New York. No way. Even if by some miracle I woke up tomorrow and the headaches were gone…I still wouldn’t drive up there. I’d like to see them make that 15 hour drive and see how they like it. Hell, they won’t even come down here to visit because it’s too far of a drive. But they have no problem expecting me to do it and acting like it’s not a big deal when I say I won’t do it because of the drive. I mean, I may be part gypsy–as my grams is always saying–and I do enjoy traveling…just not where the driving is concerned. I hate driving. For real. I think it was fun and exciting for about a month after I got my license at 16…and that’s about it. After that it was all, go here, go there, give so-and-so a ride…yeah. It’s not just having to be the driver, either. I can’t stand being the passenger in a car for any real length of time, either. Probably because I get bored easily…that and car-sick. So yeah, my preferred mode of transportation for traveling is definitely not a car. Planes are okay though. I love flying. It’s faster and I typically just take a couple of Dramamine pills and take a nap for the duration of the flight.
So anyhow, I don’t know where this all leaves me or what I’m going to do with the truck or the rest of it…but I’ll figure it out, I guess. One thing I do know for sure though is that I’m not driving to New York. If my mother wants to come down here and take care of things, all the more power to her. But I’m staying put and hopefully–hopefully I’ll figure out something to do about these damn headaches very, very soon.