Breaking My Silence … a poem

Breaking My Silence … a poem

Change the story, go back in time.

Wonder where I’d be today,

Had I not fallen for your smooth and practiced lines,

Had I not believed your well-constructed lies.

If I’d just said no that first time.

One decision.

The night of the 7th day of the month of May.

Just the first of many in your twisted little game

to break my fragile, naïve heart.

Your manipulative scheme to tear apart my life.

Damn you for even thinking that you had the right.

You’re the devil in the flesh; you’ve a heart as cold as ice.

You took all that was good, you sucked out all the life.

You blanketed me in darkness, took away the light.

Like a thief, you stole my will to fight.

So convincing I’ve become, so persuasive I can be;

You might think so, but not everything is what it seems.

It’s not okay.

I’m not alright.

I can’t right the wrongs,

Or undo what’s been done.

I can’t go back and change the past.

Or hold much longer onto these old, bittersweet memories. 

They’re fading fast.

They’re my only consolation.

My last saving grace.

So before I’m persuaded to stay, I slip away.

I escape to the place I call home,

Nine hundred miles away.

Letting go of all the hurt and the pain,

No longer afraid or ashamed.

There’s nothing left for me here to do or say.

I’m starting over with a nice clean slate.

But I still think of you sometimes;

And all those months you left me there to wait.

All those nights I begged you to stay.

But you just walked away.

All the tears that were cried, never yours and always mine.

The love I wasted; all that time.

And you’ve never apologized,

You’ve never even told me why.

You just accused and insulted and denied,

Used me ‘til you didn’t need me anymore,

And then tossed me aside.

Without so much as a goodbye.

Now it’s been so long,

Don’t you think that it’s time?

That you told me how–

That you told me why?

I gave you all that you asked,

Yet, you gave me nothing in return.

I gave you all of me, everything that I was.

Everything that I am.

From the very beginning,

all the way to the very end.

Now my world spins just a little bit quicker.

And it’s been so long that I can’t recall when life was simpler.

But truth be told,

I wouldn’t have it any other way;

I wouldn’t want it any different.

That other life, that other me.

I don’t miss her, I don’t miss it.

-JLR 6.4.2016-


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