Haven’t written in a while, I know…but my life has been crazily insane, more so than usual–somehow.
Today wasn’t the best day. I had my first nerve block injection for my headaches with the pain management doctor that I was referred to by my doctor out at the concussion center. It wasn’t fun at all. To be honest, I’m a little pissed off at the moment that it even got to this point to begin with. It didn’t have to. According to the pain management doctor, I could have avoided a lot of pain and suffering and time—had all these doctors not been so clueless or not have been playing this ridiculous guessing game these past 18 months. If they’d actually done their jobs and sent me to pain management instead of prescribing me medication after medication that clearly wasn’t working for as long as they did, or monitoring me as they should have been while I was taking them. If they had, I would have stopped the one medication they had me on that messes with the kidneys…and saved myself from one surgery, countless ER visits, excruciating pain, and ultrasounds every 6 weeks (until who knows when) to monitor my condition and any other issues that might arise. If not for their negligence, I probably wouldn’t have had to go through even a fraction of the hell that I went through the past 18 months. Knowing that it all could have been avoided just makes me so damn mad. I get that doctors are human and as such, they make mistakes just like the rest of us…but it’s hard to see that as an explanation or consolation when you’re the one it was (and still is) happening to.
I’m not just angry…I feel betrayed. I mean, I trusted these doctors to help. To find and give me some answers. Hell, I even came all the way up here from Nashville to see these doctors and specialists and to seek treatment, which I couldn’t do in Nashville because my insurance was from New York. As I’d only been just shy of 6 months, I hadn’t applied yet for permanent residency. If not for the pain management doctor and the doctors out at the concussion clinic, I’d probably still be playing lab rat with the others. It sucked. Correction—it still sucks.
I can’t get back all those months or the time spent in going back and forth from doctor to psychologist to specialists. Rather, I’d like to think in terms of the present. Unfortunately, the journey has led me here–to these nerve injections/blocks. The pain management doctor seems pretty confident that I might have damaged the nerves around my eye when I hit my head on the window in the accident, on top of the concussion. From what I understand, there’s three nerves in that area—so 3 different blocks/injections—and he wants to try them one at a time to see which one will (hopefully) be most effective against the headaches. I really, REALLY hope that he chose the right one and that this one works because I really don’t want to go through this again, let alone 2 more times. I usually have a decent pain tolerance, but that fucking hurt. A lot. I wasn’t expecting it to hurt that much, but it did. The plan was to numb me with a local first, and then do the injection. I just assumed that there’d be a reprieve for a moment between the two just to give the local a little time to kick in and do its job…but no such luck. He literally and immediately followed the local with the injection…so I felt every second of it. As such, I’m a little wary about doing it again.
Anyhow, for now, all I can do is wait…with fingers crossed…wishing for a Christmas “miracle” to cure these headaches, once and for all. Or even just the really bad ones—I’ll settle for that. I’m fine with the others–after 18 months of headaches nearly every day–you get used to it. But the bad ones have GOT to GO – ASAP!! Please universe…please…