You Only Wake Up When It’s Over.

VERSE:

It wasn’t one big blow that brought our love down
It was the hairline cracks that took it to the ground
Just kept creepin’ over time, spreadin’ like wildfire
It wasn’t one big blow that brought our love down

CHORUS:

Oh we didn’t wanna see
We didn’t wanna believe
The dream was gettin’ colder
Oh, we begged the truth to bend
It’s easier to pretend
Than to see it when you’re sober
You only wake up when it’s over
You only wake up when it’s over

VERSE:

There was so much ’bout you I didn’t realize
There was so much ’bout me I couldn’t recognize
You can only get a clear view, when it’s fadin’ in the rearview
There was so much ’bout you I didn’t realize

BRIDGE:

Oh we didn’t wanna see
We didn’t wanna believe
It’s easier to pretend
Than to see it when you’re sober

You only wake up when it’s over
You only wake up when it’s over…

(“Wake Up When It’s Over” – Michael Logen & Maren Morris)

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Why, oh WHY, is it that it’s only in hindsight that we see all things in 20/20 perspective?

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Why’d we first have to fall before we learned to stand? Why did there always have to be a lesson to be learned…why couldn’t things just be what they were? Simple. Easy. Uncomplicated. Why couldn’t it have just gone our way for once?

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Why weren’t we satisfied until we’d broken and destroyed one another? Why did we toss around the words that cut the deepest? Why didn’t we take the high road and bow out gracefully? Left with our dignity? Why’d we let it go that far? Why didn’t we stop ourselves? Why’d we make excuses when we knew it was wrong? Why’d you get off so easy–how’d you, of all people, get to play the victim card? Why’d you have to go and make forgetting you easy but forgiving you  so damn hard? Why?

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Ever Still…

A POEM…

I still think of you sometimes,
ex-lover that was never really mine.
And there are times when all I want to do is cry.
I’ve convinced the world that I’m fine.
But that too, like so much else, is a lie.
For the truth of the matter is,
with every day that passes slowly by,
I die a little more inside.
All the hearts to break in this world,
more than six billion souls walking this earth.
Yet, you had to choose mine?
I’m not interested in long excuses,
Or some well-versed apologetic line.
And maybe it’s a waste of time,
But I just want—no I NEED—to know why.
Did you enjoy seeing me so hurt?
Were you satisfied when I fell apart?
Did you like making and watching me cry?
Tearing me down, all those times?
Are you really that vindictive, cold, and cruel—
To purposely play me for a fool?
Why–when I did nothing to you?
Granted, I know that I may have hurt you,
when I lashed out and exposed the truth.
But I was scared.
Unprepared.
Hell, I was terrified.
And in love for the first time.
It’s hard to think clearly when your heart is breaking,
the pain is all-consuming,
and the whole world around you is changing…
I trusted you.
Defended you.
Stood up for you.
I told them all that they were wrong.
When, in fact, they were right all along;
And it was I that was wrong.
It’s true—they had you pegged from the start.
Said that you would break my heart.
Warned me that you wouldn’t be happy until you tore my life apart.
They predicted it all.
But not even they could have predicted it would go that far.
Not I, nor them.
No one could have.
Ever still, there’s this memory I have—
of something that you said.
And it plays over and over in my head—
Like a broken record that will never end.
You said “time stands still when I’m with you”.
And foolish girl I was–I believed you.
I think, right then, I just needed to.
Now I wonder—were you telling the truth,
Or was that a lie, too?
If so,
Then I hope—for your sake—
May karma have mercy on your soul.
Because it’s far more than I ever will.

~2012~
xoxo
MESSIE